CFA Review W.7.3 a,b; W.8.3 a,b

A student is writing a narrative for a class about an unusual vacation.  The student wants to revise the draft to make it more clear where, when, and with whom the narrative takes place.  Read the draft and then complete the task that follows.

We have visited Arizona's most famous attraction several times, but the last time we went put the others to shame.  The last time we visited was different.  The air was crisp and chilly, but the sun was shining brightly.  There was snow all over the ground, but instead of covering up the beauty of the canyon as one might think it would, it actually accentuated the beauty.  The dusting of snow on the rocky formations made them look even more interesting.  The snow brought out the beauty of all the evergreen trees.  Plus, an added bonus was that there were a lot less people there!  We normally go in the summer when it is packed full of tourists.  In the winter, the paths are less traveled, and the viewpoints are wide open.  It is quieter too.  There are a lot more parking spots!  One more great thing about our last trip to the Grand Canyon was that we saw a lot more animals than usual.  Maybe it was because there were less people, but we saw elk, squirrels, deer, and a wide variety of birds.  I hope that every time we go to the Grand Canyon from now on, it will be in the winter!

Choose the two sentences that would be the best revisions for the first two sentences.

• What a difference it makes going to the same place during the winter instead of the summer.

• Normally my family and I visit the Grand Canyon in the summer, but this last time we went during the winter break.

• My family did the opposite of what we usually do which is visit the Grand Canyon during the summer.

• My family and I have visited the Grand Canyon several times, but the last time we visited was the best.

• We have visited the Grand Canyon before, but this time was a unique experience.

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CCSS.RI.6.10

CCSS.RI.7.10

CCSS.RL.6.10

CCSS.RL.7.10

CCSS.RL.8.10

A student is writing a narrative for her creative writing class about a young girl's first time jumping off a high diving board.  The student wants to revise the draft to include a strong opening that adequately describes the main character.  Read the draft and complete the task that follows.

As Sally approached the ladder to the high diving board, her stomach was full of butterflies.  Nonetheless, she grabbed the bars and climbed until she reached the top step.  Carefully, she placed one hand on the board and lifted herself onto it.  Her knees wobbly, Sally stood up.  She quickly grabbed the bars on either side of the board and looked around to get her bearings.  Down on the side of the pool, her mother smiled and waved, encouraging Sally to jump off.  With that rallying her on, Sally carefully made her way down the board, holding on tightly.  When the bars ended, Sally hesitated, knowing that she would have to walk out to the end of the board unassisted by the comfort of the bars.  She took a deep breath and let go, putting her arms straight out to her sides for balance.  Sally took two small steps and found herself at the end of the board.  She slowly counted down from ten and leaped off the board, through the air, and into the pool.  When she surfaced, her pride at having jumped off the high diving board was written all over her face.

Choose the paragraph that would best introduce the narrative by providing a clear description of the main character.

• Sally Bright, a sweet six–year–old, had a very large family.  The youngest of all her siblings, Sally had the smallest bed, a closet full of hand–me–downs, and the worst chores.  One thing that made them all equal, though, was their love of visiting the neighborhood swimming pool.  Her parents, three sisters, and four brothers really liked to swim and jump off the high diving board.

• Sally Bright, a six–year–old, was nice to animals, whether they were pets or wild animals.  No one was ever allowed to step on a bug in her presence or her big blue eyes would swim with tears.  Because of her love of animals, Sally was in charge of their family dog, Buster.  Despite her small build, Sally was always up for the challenge of caring for the giant St. Bernard.  Every day, no matter the weather, Sally could be found walking Buster through the neighborhood.  When she was not caring for him, she liked to go off the high diving board at the pool.

• Six–year–old Sally Bright was afraid of heights.  Because she was only three feet tall, she was used to living life close to the ground.  From the time she was a baby, Sally's big blue eyes widened and her tiny voice howled whenever her father tossed her into the air.  It was no wonder, then, that when her mother challenged her to jump off the high diving board, Sally's heart dropped.  If one thing trumped Sally's fear of heights, though, it was her stubbornness.  If her mother challenged her, she would do it.

• Sally Bright was always up for a challenge.  She never turned down a dare, making her one of the most popular kids on her block.  People were always daring her to do crazy things, like knocking on people's doors and running, climbing up electrical poles, and chasing birds.  Sally loved the thrill of all of these challenges.

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CCSS.RI.8.10

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CCSS.RL.8.10

A student is writing a narrative about a time she played a sport.  The student wants to revise the draft to put the sequence of events in a more logical order.  Click on the sentence in the draft that should be moved elsewhere in order to improve its organization.

Three years ago, I wanted to play on a baseball team so badly.  By the time I signed up, there was only one team left in the league that had an opening for a new player.  That team was made up of all boys, but I am a girl!  Although I was scared, I gave it a try.  By the end of the season, I was making home runs.  You could tell the boys on the team were not too thrilled to have me on their team.  I mean, not only was I a girl, but I was also inexperienced.  Most of them gave me the cold shoulder at first.  I spent a lot of time on the bench in the dugout, but I never missed one practice.  After about a month, the boys started to come around.  They could see how hard I was trying.  Plus, I think they really liked my cheering.  I would yell encouraging words to them from the dugout and compliment them often.  They started being a lot nicer to me and even started cheering for me.  Because of all my hard work, I turned out to be a pretty good player.  Halfway through the season, I was one of their best hitters.  So, when I told them at the end of the season that I would not be signing up for baseball again, they actually begged me to stay!  I have been the only girl on the "Rangers" team for the third year in a row now!

• Halfway through the season, I was one of their best hitters.

• Three years ago, I wanted to play on the baseball team so badly.

• So, when I told them at the end of the season that I would not be signing up for baseball again, they actually begged me to stay!

• By the end of the season, I was making home runs.

Tags

CCSS.RI.6.10

CCSS.RI.7.10

CCSS.RL.6.10

CCSS.RL.7.10

CCSS.RL.8.10

A student is writing a story for class about kayakers caught in a storm.  The student wants to revise the draft to improve its organization by including a beginning sentence that describes the situation in the story.  Read the draft of the story and complete the task that follows.

The older of the two, an experienced kayaker, began maneuvering her paddle to minimize the chances of capsizing and to point the kayak toward shore.  Before paddling forward, she looked around for the other kayaker.  They had met earlier that morning, and she knew he was inexperienced.

She spotted him alone in the center of the lake, being lashed by wind and rain.  His kayak was tipping deeply side to side.  He was making things worse by trying to stand, perhaps to jump out of the kayak in fear he would be trapped if it rolled over.  No life jacket, she noted unbelievably.

She spun around and paddled swiftly to him.  At first, he continued to thrash around, too panicked to listen to the simple instructions she was yelling at him.  Then he seemed to grasp that she was risking herself for him.  Suddenly putting his trust in her, he followed her directions.  The rocking of his kayak lessened, and the immediate danger was over.

Choose the sentence that would be the most effective beginning to establish the situation in the story.

• The storm developed so quickly that the two solitary kayakers had little warning before sheets of rain streamed down and strong wind gusts blew waves across the secluded lake, causing their boats to rock wildly.

• No one had warned the kayakers that storms were common on the lake and often developed very quickly, and therefore they were not at fault when they were caught unexpectedly in a rain storm.

• The vacationing kayakers were enjoying themselves on a peaceful mountain lake when the sky turned gray and a rain storm developed, soaking them and their kayaks before they were able to make it to shore.

• The younger of two kayakers on the lake, a risk–taker who had come to the area primarily to mountain climb and hang glide, thought that kayaking would be a restful break and was surprised by the impact of the storm.

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CCSS.RI.6.10

CCSS.RI.7.10

CCSS.RI.8.10

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CCSS.RL.7.10

A student is writing a narrative about an experience involving a pet.  The student wants to revise the draft to make the sequence of events unfold more logically.  Select two sentences in the draft that should be moved elsewhere in the narrative in order to improve its organization.

So, after all the back–and–forth conversations with my parents about which pet I should get, I finally decided to get the guinea pig.  Once the decision was made, we immediately went the pet store to purchase Squeekers, my beloved guinea pig.  I wanted a bird for as long as I could remember, but I never wanted to put my bird in a cage.  I wanted to keep the bird in my room on a giant perch so that it could still fly around a little bit if it wanted to.  My parents did not like that idea because the bird would make a huge mess.  They started encouraging me to get a guinea pig instead, and said I could get a giant enclosure for it.  I liked that idea because I did have a large space in my room where I could build a really cool fortress.  They were not going to make me stick him in a small cage, and as you can probably tell by the way I described how I wanted my bird to have freedom, I also wanted my guinea pig to have freedom to roam.

• They started encouraging me to get a guinea pig instead, and said I could get a giant enclosure for it. I liked that idea because I did have a large space in my room where I could easily build a really cool fortress.

• So, after all of the back-and-forth conversations with my parents about which pet I should get, I finally decided to get the guinea pig. Once the decision was made, we immediately went to the pet store to purchase Squeekers, my beloved guinea pig.

• I wanted to keep the bird in my room on a giant perch so that it could still fly around a little bit if it wanted to. My parents did not like that idea because the bird would make a huge mess.

Tags

CCSS.RI.6.10

CCSS.RI.7.10

CCSS.RI.8.10

CCSS.RL.7.10

CCSS.RL.8.10

A student is writing a story for class about a girl who gets a role in a school musical.  The student wants to revise the draft to improve its organization by adding a beginning that introduces the main character.  Read the draft of the story and complete the task that follows.

Rehearsals started a few days later, and Rosa was getting more nervous every day.  Every time she forgot a line or sang off key, she could picture herself letting down friends and family.  The director assured her that rehearsals were always rough at first.  "The more you practice, the better your performance will become," she said.  Rosa hoped she was right.

As weeks passed, the songs were beginning to sound good.  Rosa talked a lot at home about how much her parents would enjoy them.  She and the other cast members were getting better at acting out their lines too.  Rosa began to look forward to her friends seeing certain scenes in the show that she especially liked.

On opening night she was very excited and only a little jittery.  She was not afraid about how the audience would judge her.  Instead she was thinking, "I hope everyone has a really good time tonight.  I think they will because we worked so hard to make the show entertaining."  Before stepping onto the stage, she wondered for just a minute where her fear had gone.

Choose the sentences that would be the most effective beginning to introduce the main character of the story.

• Rosa had to strain to look between other students crowded around the bulletin board to see the results of the auditions for the school musical.  She was not overly confident, so she was looking for her name near the smaller roles.  When she found her name, she was surprised that she had been chosen for one of the lead parts.

• Rosa was struggling to see past other students crowded around the bulletin board where the results for the school musical auditions were posted.  When she spotted her name, she at first jumped for joy.  Then it sank in that she had been chosen for one of the lead roles.  With that realization, she felt a heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach.  She recognized it as fear.

• The oldest of five children, Rosa was kind and considerate.  She helped around the house a lot because her parents both worked long hours.  But when she asked if she could try out for the school musical, they both said yes.  Now she was looking at the results of the auditions posted on the bulletin board and realizing that she was chosen for one of the lead roles.

• Rosa could not see over other students to the bulletin board with the results of the auditions for the school musical.  Her best friend let out a little shriek and began to hug her.  Rosa wondered what that meant because her friend had also tried out for a role.  Then she heard her say, "Oh, Rosa, you got the role of Betsy."  Rosa realized she had been chosen for one of the lead roles.

Read the story and complete the task that follows.

   The reality of moving had not set in until this moment.  Although she had known for months, Stella had pushed this thought to the back of her mind.  As Stella taped up the very last box she took a deep breath.  The room she had inhabited her entire life was now bare.
   She played with the new dollhouse her father had built her in the corner under the window on her fifth birthday.  She stood on her tiptoes to reach her favorite book on the top of the bookshelf; a bookshelf she now towered over.  She was hiding under the bed during a game of hide–and–seek, a family favorite.  Finally easing herself back into the present with tears in the corner of her eyes, Stella picked up the last box and carried it to the moving truck.

Which of the following sentences would fit best at the beginning of the second paragraph to improve the transition between the two paragraphs?

• Her room used to be filled with toys and decorations.

• A whirlwind of memories flooded her mind as she glanced around the room.

• Stella opened up her photo album and turned the pages.

• She couldn't believe her parents were making such a tremendous change to their family.

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CCSS.RI.6.10

CCSS.RI.7.10

CCSS.RI.8.10

CCSS.RL.6.10

CCSS.RL.7.10

A student is writing a narrative for a creative writing class about getting a pet.  The student wants to revise the draft to improve the flow of the story.  Read the draft of the narrative and complete the task that follows.

Click on the two sentences that interrupt the flow of the narrative.

Anna's parents had been telling her for years that they'd get a dog, but Anna was starting to get frustrated.  Every time she suggested they go to the shelter, her mother just said, "Not today, honey."  The shelter was located in a busy shopping area about four miles from Anna's house.  One day, after listening to Anna's request again, her mother said, "Well, owning a dog is a lot of work.  When you've shown us that you can be responsible, we'll go to the shelter and pick one out."

The problem was, Anna didn't know how she could act more responsibly than she already did!  She got good grades in school, babysat her little brothers whenever her mom asked, and she was even captain of her volleyball team two years in a row.  She was one of the most popular girls in her grade.  It seemed to Anna that she was already responsible enough to own a dog.  All she was missing now were the items a dog would need—a collar, leash, food and a bed.  If she went to the store and bought those things all by herself, Anna was sure her mom would understand that Anna was ready to be a dog owner!

• She was one of the most popular girls in her grade.

• The shelter was located in a busy shopping area about four miles from Anna's house.

• Every time she suggested they go to the shelter, her mother just said, "Not today, honey."

• The problem was, Anna didn't know how she could act more responsibly than she already did!

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CCSS.RI.7.10

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CCSS.RL.8.10

Justin is writing a narrative about an outdoor adventure that will be published in the "travel" section of the school newspaper.  Justin wants to revise the draft to include more detail.  Read this section of the draft of his narrative and complete the task that follows.

Fellow campers, I just got back from one of the best camping trips ever.  Our family camped at the campground located inside Paco Caverns State Park.  The tour of the stunning, multi–room cave was the highlight of the trip.  To get to the cave tour, all we had to do was take a short hike from our campsite through the wilderness to the "Discovery Center," where groups gathered every two hours for guided cave tours.

On the cave tour, we saw a magnificent underground "live" limestone cave.  The spacious, damp, dimly lit cave was an incredible sight to see.  The mineral formations inside took my breath away.

In addition to viewing the incredible underground landscape, we learned some fascinating history.  The cave was discovered in 1974 by two ordinary citizens whose hobby it was to explore the area for caves.  The men decided to keep their discovery a secret.  They feared the cave could be damaged if it was unprotected, so they waited a whole four years to share their secret.

Justin wants to add detail after the sentence, "The mineral formations inside took my breath away" in order to expand on the ideas in the second paragraph.  Choose the two best sentences that would add descriptive detail to his narrative.

• 
  It is hard to describe what mineral formations are but they are amazing.

• We saw amazing mineral stalactites that dripped from the cave ceiling like long icicles.

• We viewed amazingly tall mineral stalagmites reaching up from the ground.

• The underground landscape was stunning and the history was fascinating.

• I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to try to breathe normally again.

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CCSS.RI.7.10

CCSS.RI.8.10

CCSS.RL.6.10

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CCSS.RL.8.10

Ella is writing a narrative for an assignment in her English class.  Ella wants to revise the draft to include more detail in a critical scene.  Read this section of the draft of her narrative and complete the task that follows.

Paul was lost.  While he was generally skilled at making his way successfully through a mountain hike, today he could not remember which was the correct way back to his camp.  He knew his camp was at the northern most point of the campgrounds, but he did not know which way was north.  He tried several methods to figure out where he was.  Clearly discouraged, he sat down on the ground to take a drink out of his canteen and regroup.  His attitude greatly improved by his break; he stood up energetically.  To his amazement, his compass fell out of his pocket and onto the ground.  What luck!  He had forgotten that he had stuck his compass in his pocket before his hike.  He quickly used it and found his way back to camp.

Ella wants to add detail after the underlined sentence.  Choose the two best sentences that would add descriptive detail to her narrative.

• He attempted to locate the sun in order to use its position in the sky to determine which way was north.

• He tried to think of all of his best hikes to remind himself of why he liked the mountains.

• He looked all around him at the beauty of the landscape and the wildlife.

• He unpacked and reorganized his backpack, making sure he had all of his first aid equipment in working order.

• He scanned the area for a high rock to climb on top of to have a greater view of the area around him and possibly locate his camp.

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CCSS.RI.6.10

CCSS.RI.7.10

CCSS.RI.8.10

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CCSS.RL.7.10