Conciseness Quiz I

Choose the revision of the following sentence that best eliminates needless repetition or wordiness. Remember that repetition is useful only when it improves emphasis, clarity, or coherence.

In the event that Maris goes into labor to give birth tonight, we will call you on the telephone.

• If Maris goes into labor to give birth tonight, we will call you.

• If Maris goes into labor to give birth tonight, we will call you on the telephone.

• If Maris goes into labor tonight, we can call you.

• The original sentence was correct.

Tags

CCSS.W.9-10.4

CCSS.W.9-10.5

Cows lie in the green field before the picturesque church. The church sits against a backdrop formed by snow-covered Bavarian Alps near Oberammergau, Bavaria.

• Cows lie in the green field before the picturesque church that sits against the snow-covered Bavarian Alps near Oberammergau.

• Cows lie in the green field before the picturesque church that sits against the snow-covered Bavarian Alps near Oberammergau, Bavaria.

• Cows lie in the green field before the picturesque church that sits against a backdrop formed by the snow-covered Bavarian Alps near Oberammergau, Bavaria.

• None of these options.

Tags

CCSS.L.9-10.1B

CCSS.L.7.1A

CCSS.L.6.2A

The flea-infested mongrel lay in the dirt, scratching relentlessly at the pests.

• The flea-infested mongrel lay in the dirt and scratched relentlessly at the ruthless fleas.

• The flea-infested mongrel lay in the dirt, scratching relentlessly at the pests.

• The flea-infested mongrel lay in the dirt, scratching relentlessly at the ruthless fleas.

• None of these choices.

Tags

CCSS.L.11-12.3A

CCSS.L.7.1C

Choose the revision that best combines the following pair of sentences to eliminate needless words.

Susan' s sister is a nurse on the emergency room nursing staff of a large metropolitan hospital in the middle of the city. She often treats slightly ill patients who do not really need emergency medical attention.

• Susan's sister, a nurse on the emergency room nursing staff of a large metropolitan hospital in the middle of the city, often treats patients who do not really need emergency medical attention.

• Susan's sister an emergency nurse on the staff of a large metropolitan hospital, often treats slightly will patients who do not really need emergency medical attention.

• Susan's sister, a nurse on the emergency room nursing staff of a large metropolitan hospital often treats slightly ill patient's who do not really need emergency medical attention.

• Susan's sister, an emergency room nurse at a large metropolitan hospital, often treats patients who do not need emergency medical attention.

Tags

CCSS.L.11-12.3A

CCSS.L.7.1C

The rainy wet weather that we have had daily all week long can be really depressing. Wet weather tends to be depressing for many people.

• Many people find the rainy weather that we have had all week depressing or the wet weather that we have had all week tends to depress many people.

• The wet weather that we have had all week tends to depress many people.

• The rainy weather that we have had all week long can be depressing for many people.

• Many people find the rainy weather that we have had all week depressing.

Tags

CCSS.L.3.1D

CCSS.L.3.1A

When we consider the fact that pigs really can fly in one sense-on an aircraft-and that man ad already walked on the moon, we must also consider how far today's society progressed in the twentieth century.

• The sentence is correct as is.

• When we consider that pigs really can fly on an aircraft and man has already walked on the moon, we must also consider the progress of society in the twentieth century.

• When we consider that pigs really can fly in one sense-on an aircraft- and that man has already walked on the moon, we must also consider how far today's society progressed in the twentieth century.

• When we consider the fact that pigs really can fly in one sense-on an aircraft- and that man has already walked on the moon, we must also consider the progression of today's society in the twentieth century.

Tags

CCSS.L.11-12.2A

My sister, she was working in a building made of steel in Paris, France.

• None of these choices.

• My sister was working in a steel building in Paris, France.

• My sister was working in a building made of steel in Paris, France.

• She was working in a building made of steel in Paris, France.

Tags

CCSS.L.11-12.3A

CCSS.L.7.1C

We will ford every river, climb every mountain, and cross every obstacle to reach our goal.

• We will ford rivers, climb mountains, and cross obstacles to reach our goal.

• This sentence is correct as is.

• We will cross any obstacle to reach our goal.

• We will cross any rive, mountain, or obstacle to reach our goal.

Tags

CCSS.L.3.1A

Your dog is very different from my two. Your dog expends his overabundance of energy like a Mexican jumping bean hopping, skipping, and leaping all over creation.

• Your dog, who expends his overabundance of energy like a Mexican jumping bean leaping all over creation, is very different from my two.

• As he expends his overabundance of energy like a Mexican jumping bean, hopping, skipping, and leaping all over creation, your dog is very different from my own.

• Your dog, expending his overabundance of energy like a Mexican jumping bean hopping, skipping, and leaping all over creation, is very different from my two.

• Your dog with his overabundance of energy is very different from my two.

Tags

CCSS.L.11-12.3A

CCSS.L.7.1C

In the movie IQ, Meg Ryan's character of Albert Einstein's niece must choose between several hues of green in color, choose between two men, and choose the direction of her future destiny

• In the movie IQ, Albert Einstein's niece, played by Meg Ryan, must choose between several hues of green, two men, and two futures.

• In the movie IQ, Meg Ryan's character of Albert Einstein's niece must choose between several green colors, choose between two men, and choose her future destiny.

• The sentence is correct.

Tags

CCSS.L.11-12.3A

CCSS.L.7.1C