Revise and Editing

Edgar wants to use a more appropriate transition in sentence 1. Which of the following can best replace additionally in this sentence?

• Furthermore,

• For Example,

• However,

• Moreover,

Edgar needs to add an effective topic sentence to the second paragraph. What sentence should he add before sentence 3 to accomplish this task?

• To begin, athletes have to work extremely hard to be successful at their profession.

• Many athletes perform good deeds.

• To start, athletes are very arrogant and dismissive of fans.

• First of all, athletes are successful because they had help along the way.

Edgar needs to add a transition to connect sentences 5 and 6. Which transition best serves this purpose?

• Meanwhile,

• For instance,

• Additionally,

• However,

What is the best way to correct sentence 6?

• He would show up two hours early for morning practice, but leave after every one had left.

• He would show up two hours early for morning practice and leave after everyone had left.

• He would show up two hours early in the morning practice; and leave after everyone had left.

• No error

Edgar would like to add the following sentence to the first paragraph (Lines 3-11).

Not only did he demonstrate great work ethic on the court, but he was extremely diligent in his personal endeavors as well.

Where is the most effective place to insert this sentence?

• After sentence 5.

• After sentence 6.

• After sentence 7.

• After sentence 8.

What change, if any, needs to be made to sentence 5?

• Change coaches to coach’s

• Change sucess to success

• Change commented to commented

• Sentence 5 should not be changed

What change, if any, needs to be made to sentence 11?

• Change are to is

• Change values to value

• Change principals to principles

• Sentence 11 should not be changed

Edgar Poe has included an extraneous sentence in his paper. Which of these sentences should be deleted from this paper?

• Sentence 6

• Sentence 7

• Sentence 15

• Sentence 16

What is the most effective way to combine sentences 16 and 17?

• Another foundation that he started was the Kobe and Vanessa Bryant Family Foundation, which helps children and families here in the United States and beyond.

• Another foundation that he started was the Kobe and Vanessa Bryant Family Foundation, that helps children and families here in the United States and beyond.

• Another foundation that he started was the Kobe and Vanessa Bryant Family Foundation; however, this foundation helps children and families here in the United States and beyond.

• Another foundation that he started was the Kobe and Vanessa Bryant Family Foundation, and one that helps children and families here in the United States and beyond.

What change, if any, needs to be made to sentence 14?

• Change students to student’s

• Delete the comma after aid

• Change our to are

• Change Foundation to foundation