Revising: Losing Grandpa

 

Tim wants to make the conversation that begins his narrative easier to understand.

What change, if any, should he make?

• A. Move sentence 1 to just before sentence 8

• B. Delete sentences 1–4

• C. After sentence 1, add My mom gently shook me awake. 

• D. Begin the narrative with sentence 19

Tim wants to add a word to sentence 5 to clarify his feelings. He wants to add a word just before the words had happened. What word should Tim add? 

I just knew something ​ ​ (a)   had happened.

• crazy
• great
• horrible
• boring

Tim would like to add information to help readers understand the events in his narrative. Which sentence should Tim add before sentence 18 to make his narrative clearer?

• A. I couldn’t go back to sleep.

• B. My grandfather died that night. 

• C. I hoped Grandpa would be all right.

• D. I wanted to ask Mom what she meant.

Tim wants to help readers picture the setting. What is the best way for Tim to revise sentence 19?

• A. The weather was cloudy on the day of the funeral.

• B. The weather was horrible on the day of the funeral.

• C. The weather was warm and sunny on the day of the funeral.

• D. The weather was like any other day on the day of the funeral.

Which sentence should be deleted because it takes readers away from the main theme of Tim’s personal narrative?

• A. Sentence 24

• B. Sentence 21

• C. Sentence 25

• D. Sentence 23