Revising and Editing

Melody’s opening sentence is unclear. What change should she make in sentence 1 to clarify her introductory paragraph?

• F Change They to Teachers and leaders at our school

• G Change continually to always

• H Change telling us to instructing us

• J Change community to surrounding neighborhood

What is the most effective way to combine sentences 6 and 7?

• My own sister is having a hard time in math attending one of the elementary schools that feeds into our high school.

• My own sister attends one of the elementary schools that feeds into our high school although she is having a hard time in math.

• My own sister, who attends one of the elementary schools that feeds into our high school, is having a hard time in math.

• My own sister attends one of the elementary schools that feeds into our high school, she is having a hard time in math.

Melody needs a better transition into the third paragraph (sentences 12–17) of her essay. Which of the following could she add before sentence 12 to improve this transition?

• F In researching mentoring programs, I learned of several promising results.

• G As I think about a mentoring program, I have many ideas on how it should work.

• H If struggling youngsters get the help they need, it could benefit teachers, too.

• J Because I believe in the mentoring concept, I’d like to see it at our school.

What change, if any, needs to be made in sentence 4?

• Change benefitial to beneficial

• Insert a comma after people

• Change healthier to healthiest

• No change is needed in sentence 4.

What is the correct way to write sentence 9?

• People feel safe when confiding in their pets; without being judgmental. A pet will often sit compassionately by its owner’s side for as long as is needed.

• People feel safe when confiding in their pets, without being judgmental; a pet will often sit compassionately by its owner’s side for as long as is needed.

• People feel safe when confiding in their pets. Without being judgmental, a pet will often sit compassionately; by its owner’s side, for as long as is needed.

• People feel safe when confiding in their pets; without being judgmental, a pet will often sit compassionately by its owner’s side for as long as is needed.

What change, if any, needs to be made in sentence 26?

• F Change minimal to minamal

• G Change are to were

• H Delete the comma after appropriate

• J No change is necessary.

What is the correct way to write sentence 8?

• F She promised her mother that she would succeed consequently, she walked the four-mile distance daily, between her home and school.

• G She promised her mother that she would succeed consequently she walked the four-mile distance daily between her home and school.

• H She promised her mother that she would succeed. Consequently, she walked; the four-mile distance daily between her home and school.

• J She promised her mother that she would succeed. Consequently, she walked the four-mile distance daily between her home and school.

What change, if any, needs to be made in sentence 10?

• Change have run to ran

• Delete the comma after year

• Change was forced to is forced

• Make no change

What change should Gena make in sentence 17?

• Insert a comma after September

• Change whom to who

• Change proficient to proficiant

• Change came to comes

What change, if any, needs to be made in sentence 25?

• Insert a comma after performance

• Change the comma after 1926 to a semicolon

• Change mechanical to machanical

• No change should be made.