Revising Sentence Clarity

Go from old to new information: which of the following is the clearest one?

• The paper is blue and green (new). There is a piece of paper on the desk (old).

• The rapid disappearance of the Indian culture (new) is the topic of a recent movie I saw (old).

• In the last part of the speech (old), Lincoln claims that God gave the Civil War to both North and South as punishment for slavery (new).

Avoid multiple negatives: which of the following is the clearest one?

• People pay more attention to commercials with human interest stories than to other kinds of commercials.

• The secret cave did not have none of the treasures they wanted.

• The star couldn’t sing no more after the matinee performance.

Placement of subordinate clauses: which of the following is the clearest one?

• Industrial spying, because of the growing use of computers to store and process corporate information, is increasing rapidly.

• Larry’s wedding coordinator, who planned his last eight ceremonies, is hiring more staff.

• Sarah, who just won a trillion dollars, says that her name means “princess” in English.

Avoid unclear pronoun references: which of the following is the clearest one?

• Roger refused to defuse the explosive postage stamp, which angered all the postal workers.

• Olivia worked in a national forest last summer, which may be her career choice.

• Because Ethan is less interested in the environment than in economic development. He sometimes neglects it.

Go from old to new information: what is the correct order?

• New - New

• Old - Old

• New - Old

• Old - New

Avoid multiple negatives: what is the correct rule?

• Use negatives as much as possible.

• Put 100 negatives in one sentence.

• Use affirmative forms rather than several negatives.

Placement of subordinate clauses: what is the correct rule?

• Put subordinate clauses anywhere you want.

• Avoid interrupting the main clause with a subordinate clause if it will cause confusion.

• Subordinate clauses only can go before the main clause.

Avoid unclear pronoun references: what is the correct rule?

• This, he, that, she, they, it, and we are useful pronouns for referring back to something previously mentioned.

• One pronoun refers to many nouns.

• Should not be careful about pronoun references.

What is the cutest animal in the world?

• Dog

• Cat

• Rabbit

• Panda

Go from old to new information: is this sentence written correctly?

• No

• Yes

• I don't know