Revising for clarity and structure

The sentences below indicate a student’s attempt at combining. Check the answer that is punctuated correctly.

• Working with chalk on city sidewalks. He creates drawings that appear to be three-dimensional.
• Working with chalk on city sidewalks, he creates the drawings they appear to be three-dimensional.
• Working with chalk on city sidewalks, he creates them. The startling drawings that appear to be three-dimensional.
• Working with chalk on city sidewalks, he creates drawings that appear to be three-dimensional.

The sentences below indicate a student’s attempt at sentence combining. Choose the answer that is punctuated correctly.

• Beever moves back and forth between the pavement and the camera, he carefully checks every mark that he makes.
• Beever moves back and forth between the pavement and the camera. To carefully check every mark that he makes.
• Moving back and forth between the pavement and the camera, Beever carefully checks every mark that he makes.
• Back and forth between the pavement and the camera Beever moves. Carefully, checking every move that he makes.

Review the original sentences below. (3) Pop stars have a lot of money, fame, and fans. (4) They can never get a break. What is the best way to combine sentences 3 and 4?

• Pop stars have a lot of money, fame, and fans, nor they can never get a break.
• Pop stars have a lot of money, fame, and fans; however, they can never get a break.
• They can never get a break, so they have a lot of money, fame, and fans.
• Pop stars have a lot of money, fame, and fans, they can never get a break.

Review the original sentences below. (7) Soccer is my favorite sport. (8) I plan to compete at the collegiate level. What is the best way to combine sentences 7 and 8?

• Soccer is my favorite sport and I plan to compete at the collegiate level.
• I plan to compete at the collegiate level, soccer is my favorite sport.
• Because soccer is my favorite sport, I plan to compete at the collegiate level.
• I plan to compete at the collegiate level although soccer is my favorite sport.

Combine sentences 4 and 5.

• A) It may be hard for teenagers to be willing to take a stand against peer pressure they do it because it is the right thing to do.
• B) It is the right thing to do because it may be hard for teenagers to be the only one willing to take a stand against peer pressure.
• C) Although it may be hard for them to be the only one willing to take a stand against peer pressure; they do it because it is the right thing to do.
• D) Although it may be hard for them to be the only one willing to take a stand against peer pressure, they do it because it is the right thing to do.

What is the most effective way to clarify sentence 22 above?

• Change this to it
• Change them to some analysts
• Change water to it
• Change main to primary

Replace the word consequently

• As a result
• However
• specifically
• In other words

(10) In cooperation with Egyptian Supreme Council of Antiquities, Guiddo's team began to carefully survey and excavate the underwater city. (11) The artifacts they discovered revealed a city as grand as its legend. (12) At the center of the city stood a large temple, just as ancient historians had described. (13) A network of canals and channels stretched out from the temple. (14) Researchers believe that Thonis-Heracleion would have been the first stop for foreign merchants at the Egyptian border. Which of these sentences could follow sentence 13 and provide additional support for the main idea of the third paragraph (sentences 10-14)?

• In his research Guddio has collaborated with archaeologists, Egyptologists, historians, geologists, computer engineers, and others.
• The city was probably an important entry port for trade into Egypt before it sank into the Mediterranean.
• The remains of more than 60 ships, at least 700 ancient anchors, gold coins, and bronze lead, and stone weights indicate that the city was a major trading port in the eastern Mediterranean.
• Some accounts suggest that both Helen of Troy and her lover, Paris, were stranded on the island for a period of time as they hid from her Greek husband.

Which sentence can best replace sentence 14?

• It's our job as young people to bring national attention to the crisis.
• We need something to assist with the serious water crisis we are facing.
• Today there are people who are illiterate about this situation.
• Many people in the United States are unaware that such a crisis exists.

The meaning of sentence 4 is unclear. Bryon can improve the clarity of this sentence by changing it to-

• the famous Trojans
• the magnificent city
• the extreme wealth
• the historical record