Concision

Which is more concise?

• The politician talked about several of the merits of after-school programs in his speech

• The politician touted after-school programs in his speech.

Which is more concise?

• Suzie believed but could not confirm that Billy had feelings of affection for her.

• Suzie assumed that Billy adored her.

Which is more concise?

• Our website presents criteria for determining the best dentist.

• Our Web site has made available many of the things you can use for making a decision on the best dentist.

Edit the following to be more concise: Working as a pupil under someone who develops photos was an experience that really helped me learn a lot.

Which is more concise?

• The teacher demonstrated methods for cutting words from my essay.

• The teacher demonstrated some of the various ways and methods for cutting words from my essay that I had written for class.

Which is more concise?

• Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood formed a new band of musicians together in 1969, giving it the ironic name of Blind Faith because early speculation that was spreading everywhere about the band suggested that the new musical group would be good enough to rival the earlier bands that both men had been in, Cream and Traffic, which people had really liked and had been very popular.

• Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood formed a new band in 1969, ironically naming it Blind Faith because speculation suggested that the group would rival the musicians’ previous popular bands, Cream and Traffic.

Edit the following to be more concise: Many have made the wise observation that when a stone is in motion rolling down a hill or incline that that moving stone is not as likely to be covered all over with the kind of thick green moss that grows on stationary unmoving things and becomes a nuisance and suggests that those things haven’t moved in a long time and probably won’t move any time soon.

Which is more concise?

• I received your inquiry about tennis rackets yesterday.

• I received your inquiry that you wrote about tennis rackets yesterday, and read it thoroughly.

Which is more concise?

• It goes without saying that we are acquainted with your policy on filing tax returns, and we have every intention of complying with the regulations that you have mentioned.

• We intend to comply with the tax-return regulations that you have mentioned.

Which is more concise?

• Imagine someone trying to learn the rules of chess.

• Imagine a mental picture of someone engaged in the intellectual activity of trying to learn what the rules are for how to play the game of chess.