How to Argue Effectively

How to Argue Effectively

Discover the tools to communicate at a higher level

Poll

Do you think your parents/guardians LISTEN to you when you try to communicate your desires with them?

• YES, all the time!

• NEVER!!! I'm not sure they realize I exist!

• Sometimes, but not if my opinion contradicts with their bias.

• Not really. It is clear that I'm a child and my opinion/beliefs do not hold value.

Poll

Would you want that to change?

• YES

• NO

Before we can fix IT, let's examine why IT occurs now.

• They have been making ALL your decisions before NOW and...

• you didn't mind, in fact, you welcomed that.

What is a parent/guardian's #1 responsibility?

Multiple Select

From what do parents/guardians want to protect you?

• strangers and dangers

• being hurt by nature and/or people

• our own bad choices

• drama

Why do I fight with my parents so much?

• You are becoming a teen and developing your own identity...

• OPINIONS

• THOUGHTS

• VALUES about life

Why do my parents fight with me?

• They have been the only decision makers in your life since your birth.

• Your willingness to express that your opinions differ from theirs is difficult to accept because it is NEW and NEW can be hard.

What ifs....?

• What if you make the wrong choice and you get hurt?

• What if you believe something they disagree with and you don't hold the same values they do?

• What if they give you some control and you stop listening to them?

• What if they grant you more freedoms and you embarrass them in front of their peers?

Poll

The WHY or MOTIVATION behind someone's actions explains their beliefs/opinions/values.

• TRUE

• FALSE

Poll

I understand that my parents are weary of me expressing myself more in our family because it is NEW to them and NEW is unknown and unknown can be frightening.

• YES

• NO

THE UPSIDE

The good news about fighting with your parents is that in many families the arguing will lessen as parents get more comfortable with the idea that their teen has a right to certain opinions and an identity that may be different from theirs.

Communicating

Sometimes communicating can feel impossible — like they just don't see your point of view (subjective and/or objective) and never will. But talking and expressing your opinions can help you gain more respect from your parents, and you may be able to reach compromises that make everyone happy. For example, if you are willing to clean your room in order to stay online an hour more, both you and your parents walk away with a good deal.

Poll

Can you relate to this comic strip?

• MORE THAN YOU KNOW

• NOT AT ALL...I ALWAYS LISTEN AND OBEY MY PARENTS/GUARDIANS CORRECTION

• MOSTLY, SOMETIMES I THINK MY PARENTS JUST SAY THINGS TO SAY THEM

How do we ARGUE effectively with our parents?

argue: give reasons or cite evidence in support of an idea, action, or theory, typically with the aim of persuading others to share one's view

Poll

Currently, do you hug your parent/guardian every day?

• YES

• NO

Open Ended

If you stopped, why have you stopped?

Poll

Have you ever used music, phones, or game systems to avoid interaction/communication with your parent/guardian before?

• Sometimes

• Never

• ALWAYS

Poll

Would you be willing to create a one-on-one date with your parent/guardian if you knew it would help you to argue more effectively?

• YES, but I don't think he/she would want to spend time with me.

• YES! I think this would be an amazing idea!

• Absolutely not! It would never help.

• No way! My parents would love that, but I can't even imagine setting that up.

Poll

Currently, do you and your parent/guardian communicate (argue) effectively?

• Yes, we always talk through situations and come to a mutual understanding.

• No. Typically, my parents/guardians do not allow me to make decisions with them.

• It really depends on the situation, but mostly, yes.

• I think we would both love to do this but do not know how to do that without creating tension in our family.

What do you DESIRE your guardian to understand about Y-O-U?

Write this by the #1 CLAIM on the handout

Why is this DESIRE important to Y-O-U?

write this in the space by the #1 CLAIM

What is causing your guardian to not "hear" or "care" about your DESIRE?